Please .... "Follow" me so I know I am being read

Friday, December 11, 2009

"Dear God, I'm back" plus three days

So here I sit, another three days has passed. We decided to move from our current house back into the house we own next door where all of our kids were born. The younger two barely remember, the oldest remembers all and who knows what Andrew would have remembered.

Regardless we fit now since there are only four of us at home.

Shortly after Andrew passed, we realized that the current house was full of memories (of course) but it was also full of reminders. We will never be free of the memories from the current house, nor do we want to be, but we dislike the reminders. AJ has to sleep in the same room he once shared with Andrew, still filled with Andrew’s belongings because they can’t (yet) be moved, but without Andrew. Annie gets to sleep by the wall that used to be permeated with Andrew’s vocalizations, now loudly silent. And we can barely walk into the den where Andrew spent so much of his time, nor look at the placement of items there only to accommodate Andrew.

The other house has memories too but none of the reminders, just the memories –and albeit time or reality that makes it so, they are all good.

However, the thoughts of moving has taken its toll even though we are committed to doing it. We have so much stuff to move – funny, I used to care about belongings and now the house could blow up and I would care less if family and photographs were safe. Annie and AJ are looking forward to it, the wife and I shudder at the thought.

Then again, maybe we will finally go through all the boxes in the attic marked “to go through” and I strongly suspect that “to go through” will soon translate to “to the dumpster”. Speaking of shedding belongings, have you ever tried to give away something that everyone wanted as long as they could avoid actually taking it ? More on that later… I guess I will need the large dumpster ……

So this now is the flavor of this blog (hope no-one is disappointed)…day to day life as it is after Andrew, interspersed with thoughts and stories of Andrew and random thoughts like this one:

I think I am now certifiably crazy … Since Andrews passing and the events and changes afterwards, I can no longer say I believe in a supreme being (God) but yet I still have faith that these events and changes are a part of “a plan” - so basically I no longer believe in God but I have faith that the events are a part of the plan that the God I no longer believe in has in place for me (us).

Rationalized Insanity …………………..

1 comment:

  1. I hope the moving went smoothly - I HATE HATE HATE moving, yet here I am packing up 5 years of accumulated crap in London in order to move back to the states - be glad you're only moving next door cause paying to ship it across the Atlantic is ridiculously pricy!!

    Keepin gyou in my thoughts & prayers!


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.