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Tuesday, December 22, 2009

God, I am sooooo stupid.

I did it again ... What an idiot I am........ I am sooooo stupid.

I hit a low point the other day, a really low point as in I couldn't take any more and while trying to pull myself from the depths of despair, I went and said to myself "well, atleast it can't get any worse".

You know, even Andrew with all of his problems understanding and communicating would have understood that YOU DON'T SAY THAT because THINGS WILL GET WORSE.

Rewind the tape a bit - I never mentioned in this blog that Eleanor and I both were (are) having issues dealing with our greif over Andrew. We have been seeing someone to help us keep things in perspective - going about twice a week and hashing over our coping mechanisms.

Now fast forward a bit...Today, we have an appointment at 4:00 and I picked up El to get down to the appointment. Annie needed to be somewhere and had missed her ride so I agreed to drop her off as it was really only a few blocks out of the way, but it did cause me to take a different route to the appointment. So I wound up driving through New Haven on streets that I know (I did grow up there after all) but not ones I would choose to drive as a normalcy simply because of the traffic. Anyway, I was the first car at a light and when the light changed, I turned and proceeded (oddly and for once at the legal speed limit). All of a sudden, 10 feet in fromt of me (ok, it was really prbably 30 feet), a girl runs out from between two cars in the other lane. I nailed the brakes but still I hit her nearly at full speed.

I can now tell you that someone bouncing off the hood of your car really does look like they show it on TV.
I can now tell you that someone can be knocked out of their shoes (hers went about 50 feet).

Guess what, things just got worse......again .......BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Things are worse. Even being told by the police that I was not at fault, I have a nicely dented hood to remind me that things are worse. Maybe now when I start to think that things can't get worse, instead I'll just walk outside and look at the hood of my car

1 comment:

  1. Oh Brian, I don't know what to say, it must have been horrifying. My heart is with you and your family, and has been since Andrew's death. Please hang in there. There is a reason for all of this, I am sure of it.


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