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Wednesday, January 13, 2010

And the New Year begins ....

The stake was driven into the ground at midnight (10 p.m. actually since, as expected, we fell asleep before midnight). New Year’s Day was spent as expected … but …a change had permeated the atmosphere. Yes, I had to work on it for a while but I did manage to be upbeat and positive.

Indeed, this will be the year that I lick my wounds, put on my big boy pants and go after my personal recovery. Time to enact the five ‘R’s: Regroup, Reinvigorate and Rebuild, Resurrect and Reconnect. .. And .. the big ‘M’ – Move on. As I said before, I know now that I will always choke up when speaking of Andrew, that I will always tear up when picturing him in my mind's eye. BUT, always I will also thank God for the time Andrew was with us - significant in that I know now and in spite of earlier postings, that I do believe and I do have faith even though only God knows why (no pun intended). And no, I will never understand why Andrew was taken but I realize now that I don’t need to understand, just to accept and have faith.

So, this WILL be the year that we survive and thrive.

It is now twelve days in and so far, so good. Finances are coming together again – I am far from out of the woods but at least I can see the clearing now. The issues dealing with our grief are pretty much behind us. The family interactions are beginning to return to normal, albeit slowly (I must admit though that there are aspects that I wish would not return to normal).

I can now look back with clarity of thought and recognize all the good that was there, mixed in with but so totally overshadowed by the bad. In the past 6 months (since Andrew’s admission to the hospital) we have been the recipient of the most incredible outpouring of support and friendship anyone could ever expect.

I regret that we were so “in shock” as to not see it at the time and that I will never be able to adequately thank all the people to whom I owe so much.

There simply are no words.

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