A retraction of sorts

A retraction of sorts, contrary to what I (dad) wrote yesterday, I am going to continue the blog as it was … in Andrew’s voice. There are so many things that scoped Andrew’s middle years that it is difficult to present them as a point-in-time occurrence, however, I am going to attempt to stay on a chronological order.

Has it really been six weeks . ?

A while back, I (dad) said that doing this blog was providing me with therapeutic value. While that remains true, I think I may now be crossing the line from therapeutic to prolonging the agony. I find that my memories from Andrew’s first year or two are quite clear as, of course, are tose of the recent past is but the order of the events in between escape me… in some instances, even the memory of the event escapes me unless prompted.


So I change my approach to this blog, I will continue to write updates to the blog but I will likely update it less frequently ... and the updates will be by me – no longer speaking as Andrew.

I am not going to attempt to adhere to a chronological format but rather, speak of things as they occur to me. There are so many memories of my remarkable son and trying to sort them into a chronological order negates the pleasure of remembering.

So .....  tomorrow I start a random brain-dump of the pieces of Andrew’s life that made him the special child that he was. I will continue to write updates to the blog , likely less frequently and not necessarily in chronological order .

I ask and invite my immediate and extended family, my friends and aquaintances, and all the people who were touched by Andrew to comment on and add entries to this blog

Brian

What does A.J. stand for ?

In late summer of 1994, Along came A.J.. I was happy to have a younger brother but I also meant substantial change in our family. Even though we were 2 girls and 2 boys, we still needed at least one more bedroom, both because of me (let’s just say my sleeping patterns didn’t match everyone else’s) and because there were enough years between Allison and Annie that they each really needed their own rooms. There were enough biological years between A.J. and I to warrant separate rooms also but in developmental years, I was still an infant so it was ok to share for a while. And then there was the car issue. Mom had three of us in car seats and we couldn’t go anywhere as a family in one car, so it was off to the car lot to get a mini-van and say goodbye to dad’s Honda that he liked so much ….


Now, since I told you all about the turmoil around Annie’s Name, it is only fair that I tell you of how A.J. became A.J.. In keeping with the now-tradition of us all being named after other family members, mom and dad decided to name A.J. Alec John. Alec was a derivative of Alexander for (the middle name of) dad’s grandfather and uncle, and John was for mom’s brother-in-law. They had decided early in the pregnancy that this was to be A.J.’s name and quite naturally they started referring to him as Alec John. Like me – I am “Andrew” -- never “Andy”, A.J. would be “Alec John” -- never just “Alec” ) but that turned out to be quite a mouthful> firly quick, he became A.J. (and eventually just J.)

All that sounds quite reasonable and understandable but when he was born and the hospital asked mom and dad what the name would be, they looked at each other and decided on the spot that “Alec John” was too much of a mouthful - and it just didn’t fit. They quickly came up with “Addison”, after a favorite person on dad’s side of he family and “Montague” because it was a family name and sounded nice with Addison. But they still called him either “A.J.” ! Poor guy, he has and will go thru life being called by initials that have nothing to do with his real name and being asked to explain it.

So A.J. was born in March 1995 and came home to the rest of us. By this time I was 4, out of Birth-to-Three and attending ACES. On a fairly regular basis mom would get a note from ACES (as she had from Birth-to-Three) that Chicken-pox was making the rounds in my school and to be on the lookout. This had happened so many times. Mom would watch diligently since neither she or Allison had ever had Chicken-pox…and nothing would happen so when yet another note came home three weeks after A.J. was born, it was not tken as much to be concerned about.

Oops… big mistake ……

Two days later the first pox appeared on my face…

It wasn’t too bad for me, I had a fair number of pox but I never really scratched hem or became too ill… but then,….

all three girls got the Chiken-pox. Annie, Allison and mom, all at once, all fairly bad (mom was the worse), all layed outon the sofa feeling ill and looking to dad to take care of them.

That was one long week but it finally ended and they all started to feel better ….but then ….

A.J. got them. Try to picture a 4 week old baby literally covered head to toe with Chicken-pox. Not a pretty sight….

Another addition to the family

In September of 1993, my younger sis arrived. And it was one heck of a change for me I can tell you !.


Here was another baby and she looked like she was going to get all my attention. For starters, all she did was cry….non-stop, every waking moment, for 6 months straight – but yet she was so cute it was hard to get angry. This was Annie, my forever “older” younger sister.

My true older sister Allison, or a-la-la-la as I called her, would always be my special sister – She was my only sibling to know what life had been like before I came along. She lived through all attention suddenly going to me when I was born and having to share mom and dad with me without ay time to acclimate….. And then she had to adjust to almost everything being dictated by my needs. I’ve wondered sometimes how she managed, but she did, and she was always there for me. We had a connection that no one else will ever know or be able to describe - she was my best friend, my playmate, my protector – and she always will be.

Allison had been named afer family members, a “tradition” inadvertently started by dad’s mom when she named him after family. In Allison’s case, iher name was a derivative of dad’s grandmother and mom’s grandmothers maiden name. When I came along, I was named after a favored cousin, mom’s maiden name, Dad’s middle name (and his mom’s maiden name. As I am sure you noticed, I have two middle names. As soon as mom and dad learned that Annie was on her way, they started to – let’s say “disagree” – about her name. Dad wanted Annie – it was a favorite aunt as well as his mom’s middle birth name… but mom didn’t like it….all she could think of was the comic strip character. Mom would say “Let’s name her Ann and call her Annie” to which dad would say “Let’s name her Annie and call her Annie” . Then mom would say the same thing with another soudalike / spellalike name and dad would respond with the same “Let’s name her Annie and call her Annie”. Then mom would say “let’s give Annie as her middle name and call her Annie” and dad wold say “Let’s name her Annie as the first name and call her Annie, but we could use Annie as the middle name also ….’Annie Annie’… and so it went.. By the way, dad won …..

So Annie, otherwise known as “Eeeeee…..”, was pure competition when she came along. All of a sudden mom had a real newborn to watch after as well as her perpetually 24 month-old newborn (me). It seemed she was always running between us and I don’t know how she did it. My medical issues weren’t getting any easier and I still didn’t crawl or walk, I could just barely sit up. And then I had to be fed … a bit better by now but still an issue. I ate Cherios (did you know they are good because of the hole in the middle – less danger of choking), yogurt and applesauce. That was pretty much it. Everything else either had a texture I disliked, caused me to vomit or I couldn’t eat it since I hadn’t quite mastered chewing yet.

So I was happy, even though I was in that dreaded position of the middle child… and then…..

The Deed Is Done

Over the weekend, mom and dad came to see me. The grass is starting to grow over my grave now – by spring it won’t look “fresh” any more and maybe then it will be easier for them to see at it. Dad dreamed about me last night – a first. He doesn’t remember the details (unusual because he always remembers his dreams and the details), he just remembers sensing my presence and an “image” from the hospital. I think the “image” was a left-over from talking to mom just before bed. She was telling dad that she wakes up every morning with the image of that last night in the hospital. They are both doing pretty good and I am glad they are starting to “heal” but I still worry about my sibs … I’ll have to keep an eye on them.

Mom and dad finished what no parent should ever have to do, they sorted through and packed away most of my belongings….

......... there are still things to go through and things to take care of … my (enclosed hospital) bed, my newer Convaid chair, other things like that which can’t just “be put away” or moved….. and my “every day” Convaid chair that mom still can’t bring herself to take out of her car. These will take time and are mostly out of their control ….